


These Are My Confessions

by Angry_TitanLevi



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Malec, Romance, Ship Queen!Isabelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7123174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angry_TitanLevi/pseuds/Angry_TitanLevi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus’ heart beats a mile a minute when he stares at the caller ID. He tries his best to muster the most neutral expression ever then he clicks the answer button.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Are My Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> So yet another try at Malec. Hopefully this myriad of fanfictions about these two angels will help me improve my writing. Please enjoy.

Alec sits in the kitchen with his elbow propped on the countertop and his chin resting in the palm of his hand and watches his sister as she whips up some awful looking green sludge from pretty much everything the refrigerator had. The bowl she blended everything into seemed to be overflowing and Alec thinks that maybe even the kitchenware was afraid of his sister’s so called ‘cooking’.

Izzy slides the bowl—a medium size mixing bowl with green and white stripes running horizontally—over to Alec and he watches it like if it had personally offended him. Izzy doesn’t notice his look as she slides onto the matching black stool next to her brother and wedges a large crystal plate in the shape of a leaf filled with many types of chips between them. Alec doesn’t know how many times his sister has tried making—whatever that was supposed to be—but each time it looked like utter failure. He remembered her making it when Clary’s friend Simon first came to the institute and Jace warning him about not eating the food.

“Is that really edible?” he asks and his face twists in disgust. Izzy looks offended but she bites down on a black chip piled with the green goop and wipes the corner of her mouth with her thumb and turns to Alec. “It’s edible, _Alec_ ,” she says and rolls her eyes. “Maybe if you tried it once-” Alec interrupts her with a wave of his hand and says, “I don’t think so,” before sliding off the stool and exiting the kitchen. He doesn’t see Izzy’s eye roll.

 

Magnus is packing a few of his books back onto the bookshelves and balancing Chairman Meow—a short-haired cat with white legs and a brown-black spotted coat—on his free hand. The Chairman seems to pay no mind to what his owner is doing and Magnus doesn’t seem to mind lugging the cat around either.

Magnus puts away a hardcover book that’s reddish-brown in colour and looks like something the Chairman uses to sharpen his claws on when he hears his phone buzzing on the drinks trolley, making a sort of rattling noise on the metal that startles Chairman Meow and he jumps off Magnus’ arm and scurries off somewhere. Magnus frowns after his cat and adjusts his black silk shirt and walks over to his phone. He can’t fathom who would be calling him on a Sunday afternoon but he supposes that his clients aren’t exactly privy to his off days and looks at his phone screen.

_Alexander Lightwood._

Magnus’ heart beats a mile a minute when he stares at the caller ID. He tries his best to muster the most neutral expression ever then he clicks the answer button. “Alexander! How nice of you to call. Is everything alright?” Magnus knows he sounds a bit overzealous but he can’t help it. It’s not every day he gets a call from a sexy Shadowhunter—especially one he’s been pinning over for quite some time.

Alec sounds a lot better than Magnus does when he says, “I was just curious as to what the High Warlock of Brooklyn was up to on a Sunday afternoon.” Magnus doesn’t really know how to answer that question. Telling Alec that he was simply packing books away and hanging out with his cat made him seem lame and he was not in any mood to make Alec of all people think he was lame.

Instead he twirls a strand of hair between his thumb and index finger and says, “I was going through a few useful healing spells,” and hopes that that sounds better than what he was actually doing. Alec makes a noise that sounds like a snort or maybe a laugh, Magnus doesn’t really know but he thinks it’s cute and then he says, “Even on a Sunday you’re still all about work?” Magnus laughs because Alec thinks he’s hardworking (not that he isn’t) and tries to come up with a witty remark when Alec speaks again. “Can I come over? O-Only if you’re not totally busy. But if you are I-”

“Yes!” Magnus clears his throat because he’s replied embarrassingly fast and he doesn’t want to sound too desperate so he swallows and adds, “I’m relatively free so I don’t mind the company.” Alec doesn’t seem put-off by his eagerness just mumbles great and tells Magnus that he’s leaving the institute now. Magnus nods then remembers that Alec can’t see him and says okay and hangs up.

The apartment looks clean…enough. Except for the remaining books Magnus had meant to reshelf. He decides that a little magic on the remaining books lying around wouldn’t hurt so he snaps, blue sparks flying from the tips of his fingers—it’s painted dark blue today—and the books fly into their respective places. Chairman Meow chooses this time to re-enter the room and Magnus walks over and picks him up.

Magnus doesn’t know whether to take a shower again because he believes he looks fine (as always) and he doesn’t want to risk Alec showing up while he’s sponging on Zen Spice shower gel. Instead he places Chairman Meow onto the orange one-seater couch and hurries into the bathroom to check himself out in the mirror. Magnus carefully checks his hair to make sure nothing is out of place and his eyeliner to ensure there are no smudges and let’s out a sigh of relief. He thinks that maybe he’s overreacting but Alec deserves perfection and nothing less.

 

Alec rifles through his clothes for something decent and not dreary looking but only comes up with black and the occasional grey. He’s beginning to think that maybe he’s somewhat of a dreary person because his clothes clearly reflect that. His mind flashes to Izzy and her array of coloured outfits but then he remembers Jace and his lack of colour and starts to feel better about himself.

Alec gives up on trying to find a smudge of colour among his grey and blacks and settles for a simple black t-shirt that has less holes and blood stains than the others and a washed out black jeans that’s maybe a little tighter than the ones he usually wore when they went out on an assignment. He thinks that Magnus would probably appreciate the way the jeans accentuates his legs and butt and feels heat creep up his neck. _What the hell am I even thinking about?_ Alec gives himself a once over, brushing his hands through his messy hair and makes for the door.   

Izzy is standing on the other side when Alec opens it and he nearly jumps out of his skin. She looks him over with skeptical eyes and shakes her head. “The jeans are nice but I’m almost certain Magnus hates those hole-infested t-shirts you have.” Alec visibly pales at his sister’s words and begins to splutter. “Wha-What makes you think I’m going over to Magnus’ place?” He fumbles with the hem of his t-shirt and flinches involuntarily when Izzy laughs. “Of course I know you’re going to Magnus’ place. I heard you.” She says with another laugh and Alec stares wide-eyed. “Heard me?”

Izzy takes a step forward, ignoring Alec’s question and Alec automatically takes a step backwards. His bed is like a blank canvas splattered with black and grey patches of clothing. Alec watches as Izzy walks over and starts picking through them. She holds up a grey long-sleeve t-shirt with black rimmed cuffs and walks back to Alec. “Wear this.” Alec takes the article of clothing from her grasp and lifts a quizzical eyebrow. “Why?” Izzy regards him with narrowed eyes and says, “Because just like that pair of jeans,” she makes a hand gesture to his legs, “this will accentuate your arms and chest.” Alec sighs and tugs off the t-shirt he was wearing and replaces it with the one Izzy handed him. Every minute wasted here was valuable time he could be spending with a certain sexy, sexy warlock.

 

Magnus glances at the clock on the wall just to the right of him and purses his lips. With every second, minute that passes he gets more nervous. He’s starting to think that maybe Alec changed his mind and just didn’t bother to call and let him know. The thought made Magnus feel queasy. Alec was different though, he reminded himself. Alec would never do that. He was one shadowhunter Magnus had met after his long history with shadowhunters that was true to his given word.

Chairman Meow was sprawled out on Magnus’s lap and purring softly. Magnus reached a hand out to gently brush the feline’s fur when he heard the buzzer. His hand hovered for a moment then retracted and he tried—as carefully as possible—to transfer the Chairman onto the cushion next to the one he had been sitting on. The Chairman groaned as he was lifted and wiggled from Magnus’ hold and sprinted off. Magnus watched the cat disappear when the buzzer sounded again and he hurried to let Alec in.

 

Alec had to admit, his sister was right. Despite looking a little dreary in the grey and black, his body did look nice. His hair was gelled a little because according to Izzy he looked like he’d gotten out of bed after a hangover. Alec sighed at the memory. Outside, the air was chilly. It was late September, winter approaching. Alec felt a cool breeze brush the back of his neck and ruffle his hair. He stuck his fists into his jeans pocket and tried to burrow as deep as possible to keep his fingers from numbing. The leaves were brown, some a yellow and others a sort of rusted colour. Autumn was always a quiet time. Alec’s shoes made soft thuds against the road and he mentally counted them. He counted each step until he was standing in front of Magnus’ apartment and stored the information away. 

 

Magnus opened the door and felt his insides warm just from seeing Alec. Magnus took in the grey t-shirt that looked soft and he imagined was soft and the washed out black jeans that showed how well-toned Alec’s legs really were. God bless shadowhunter training. Alec’s hair also seemed a bit neater. Probably gelled? Magnus took Alec in as a whole and sighed. He noticed the younger man had started shifting nervously and guessed it was because he was being scrutinized. Something he wasn’t use to.

“May I come in?” Alec asked and Magnus stepped away gracefully. “Please,” he made a welcoming gesture with his hand and Alec stepped in. “I apologise for the mess.” Alec gave a thoughtful glance about the apartment then shrugged. “It looks fine, but I guess my standard of clean and yours are both very different.” Magnus watched Alec walk over to the black leather couch and bend. Alec mumbled something then turned and Magnus saw Chairman Meow in his grasp. “The Chairman welcomes you, Alec.” Magnus says and Alec smiles a tiny smile. “Yeah,” he says and strokes the cat’s head lovingly.

Magnus doesn’t know what to do. His heart clenches at the sight and he’s about ready to confess his undying love for the shadowhunter and ask him for his hand in marriage. The thought doesn’t seem too bad but Magnus doesn’t also mind the slow burn. Alec makes a sound and Magnus sees Chairman Meow jump from his arms and land with a soft thud. Alec watches him then his attention turns back to Magnus. “He’s so different from Church. Very much like his owner.” Magnus doesn’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult of some sorts so he simply waves a hand dismissively and walks over to Alec.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Magnus asks and begins moving towards the drinks trolley. He’s startled a little when he turns around to hear Alec’s response and finds Alec standing behind him. He hadn’t expected Alec to follow him in the slightest. Alec smiled when he saw Magnus’ reaction but said nothing about it. Instead he asked, “What are you having?” Magnus turns around and picks up a Coupe glass. “I was thinking something simple, something like a Vodka Gimlet.” Alec makes a face and Magnus realises that Alec has no clue about drinks and their names.

Magnus smiles and places the glass down. “It’s simple really. All you need is Vodka, I like to use Grey Goose, some lime juice, simple syrup and a lime wedge.” Magnus says and then presents the finished drink to Alec who regards the drink with a childlike curiosity. Alec takes a tentative sip and doesn’t grimace as much as he did the first time he had drinks with Magnus. “How is it?” Magnus asks and Alec breathes through his nose and nods. “Good. Simple.” Magnus smiles and sets to make himself one as well. He repeats the process, fully aware of Alec’s eyes on him then turns around with a pleased smile.

Alec watches him silently then reaches out and takes Magnus’ hand. Magnus is stunned for a few seconds but he does well to not sure it. Alec is still holding his hand and giving him this look that say he himself hadn’t realised he was going to do that. It’s a little endearing and Magnus decides to take it a step further and intertwine their fingers. Alec’s hand is much larger than Magnus’ own and he can feel just how strong Alec’s fingers are. For a moment he thinks Alec is going to pull away but he doesn’t. Magnus has been around for over four hundred years and being here, in this moment with Alec makes him feel more vulnerable than he’s ever felt.

Alec—Magnus has realised—doesn’t know what to do from here. He’s staring at their interlocked fingers with an expression Magnus can’t quite read but their seemed to be fondness buried somewhere there. Magnus stifles a laugh and clears his throat which startles Alec and he starts to pull away but Magnus is having none of that. He tightens his hold on Alec’s hand and starts pulling them to the leather couch. Magnus delights in knowing that all this is so new to Alec and that the shadowhunter has chosen Magnus to share his firsts with. Magnus suddenly feels a rush of affection consume him and he can’t help but glance at their hands again. Alec isn’t looking but Magnus sees the spot of red on his cheek and thinks that that may be the cutest thing he’s seen so far. He hopes deep down that no one else has seen Alec this way. He wants to know that Alec shows this side to him only.

Alec downs the last of his Vodka Gimlet and holds the glass awkwardly by his side. Magnus wants to say something; anything but he’s waiting to see what Alec might do. He did after all ask to come over. The silence stretches and Magnus decides to help move the conversation along when Alec removes his hand from his and reaches over to place the empty glass on the table in front of them. The frosted Coupe glass is a stark contrast to the deep coffee coloured table, like a diamond on a bed of coals. Alec turns back and looks Magnus directly in the eyes with a sort of unwavering determination that catches him off guard.

“Magnus,” Alec says his name and it sounds like a command. “There’s something I want to tell you. Something I need to tell you but I don’t know how or where to start.” Magnus sucks in a breath and reaches over to place his glass next to Alec’s. He still has some Vodka Gimlet remaining but that’s not important. What’s important is what Alec has to say. He doesn’t say anything, just waits for Alec to continue, to move at his own pace because whatever Alec wants to say seems heavy and life changing and Magnus thinks he needs to hear it. That he needs Alec to say this for his own sake and probably for his sake as well. Alec looks torn. But his expression flickers and he looks determined again.

 

Clary watched as Isabelle practically danced across her room. Jace had sent her with a message for Isabelle but Clary found that she didn’t have the heart to interrupt whatever moment Isabelle was having. She also realised that she hadn’t seen Alec even though she knew he was home when she had left earlier. As if reading her mind, Isabelle walked over to Clary and asked, “Wondering where Alec is?” Clary shrugged and plopped onto Isabelle’s bed. She felt something poking her behind and yelped. She stuck her hand beneath her and pulled out a rope bracelet. Isabelle walked over and plucked it out of her hand. “I’ve been looking for this everywhere!” she exclaims and drops the piece of jewelry into a box that had similar items.

Clary rubbed her butt. “About Alec, where is he?” Isabelle was visibly buzzing when she said, “He’s with Magnus!” Clary raised an eyebrow and said, “Really? At this late hour?” Isabelle shrugged and plopped down next to Clary on her bed. The mattress sank under her weight and Clary found herself leaning more to Isabelle’s side. “Who cares? Alec and Magnus need all the time they can get. Besides, mom and dad aren’t home and Jace has you to keep him occupied.” Clary blushes at her last statement and splutters. “Wha-What does that mean?” Isabelle shrugs nonchalantly and gets up. “Alec has something important he needs to say. If now is the time he’s able to say it, then I will do everything in my power to ensure that he’s not interrupted.”

 

“I like you…Magnus. I really like you, maybe even love you but I’m not sure what love feels like so I can’t tell you for sure if that’s…what…I…feel…” Alec looks about ready to set himself on fire after he says those words and Magnus feels just about the same way. He’s ecstatic at Alec’s confession but he’s also about ready to explode because of how happy he is. He doesn’t exactly know what to say right now so he just sits and stares at Alec as he goes through a series of fazes with his face. Alec is beet red from his head and probably all over his body as well Magnus assumes. He’s staring at the floor as if it’s the most fascinating thing ever and Magnus really thinks that Alec is probably the greatest thing to ever happen to him.

“Alexander,” Magnus calls out to him and he can see Alec visibly relax. “Look at me,” he says and fights the urge to reach out and turn Alec’s face. He wants Alec to look at him of his own free will. Alec does look at him and Magnus thinks of how privileged he is to get to see Alec so opened. He wonders if Jace (Alec’s first love) ever got to see this side of him. Magnus needs to let Alec know how he feels about him. “Alexander Lightwood,” he starts to say and the look he gets from Alec makes his breath catch. Alec looks at him like he’s the rarest of gems. “I love you.” Magnus says as if on autopilot because he’s captivated by Alec’s stare. Alec makes to say something but Magnus stops him and says, “Let me finish.” He takes Alec’s hands in his and caresses the skin there with his thumbs. “In all my years I’ve never once felt a love as strong as the love I have developed for you. From the moment I met you, I wanted you, not the lustful want. I wanted to know you, know everything about you. I wanted to cherish you. You stayed in the shadows as if it seemed natural to and immediately I wanted to bring you into the light. Ironic isn’t it; for a Downworlder to want to bring a Shadowhunter into the light when they are the light.” Magnus was looking directly at Alec as he spoke. He wanted to imbed all of Alec’s reactions to his words into his memory forever. He memorised the slight parting of Alec’s lips in surprise, the way his eyebrows would knit together and his hands would tremble and squeeze his as if to reassure himself that Magnus was really there.

Magnus has more to say but he doesn’t think now is the right time. He’s told Alec the most important of them all and he hopes that it doesn’t scare him off. He’s fully aware that Alec has confessed to him but Alec himself is all new to love and he probably doesn’t have a full handle on his feelings just yet. After all, he’s been _in love_ with Jace for the majority of his life. Magnus supposes it’s to be expected since Jace _is_ his _Parabatai_ and Alec doesn’t have any attraction to females so naturally the strong bond and Alec’s preference would come into play. Alec hasn’t said anything since Magnus had stopped talking. Magnus wonders if it’s because he’s speechless or because he thinks he has more to say. Alec’s eyes look pleading when he locks them on Magnus’. It’s as if he wants Magnus to say more.

Magnus regards Alec in silence then says very quietly, almost as if he didn’t want Alec to hear him. “Kiss me.” The look that passes over Alec’s face makes Magnus stomach knot with something akin to panic and excitement. The next moment—before Magnus can even think—Alec lunges forward and his lips are pressed firmly to his. Alec’s lips are soft and moist and it’s probably because he had been licking it nervously and also because of the alcohol from earlier. Alec’s fingers crawl up Magnus’ sides and bury into his hair. Magnus thinks that his hair is becoming a mess but he can’t find it in himself to really care. He’s totally overwhelmed in the scent and heat that is Alexander Lightwood and he doesn’t want to wake up from this dream if it is one. Alec breaks apart from him too soon and Magnus chases his lips and feels Alec’s lips. Alec had apparently met him halfway again. The kiss this time felt heavy. It felt as if Alec poured everything he had into this kiss. His fingers curled more into the long strands of Magnus’ hair and his other hand came around Magnus’ waist to pull him closer.

“Magnus…” Alec whispers against Magnus lips like a prayer and slots his lips again. Magnus doesn’t know how to explain the feeling he’s experiencing right now but he wishes to God—whoever he is—to never let him forget this feeling. Alec breaks apart again and Magnus doesn’t chase his lips. He allows Alec to pull back and take in some oxygen. Alec looks disheveled and Magnus is shocked because he hadn’t even realised that his hands were also quite busy knotting themselves in Alec’s hair. The gel makes his hair stick up and it looks adorable. Alec doesn’t seem to realise how he looks so Magnus stays silent about it. Alec opens his mouth to say something and Magnus has no idea what he’s about to ask or say.

“Was that-was that good?” Alec asks out of breath. His lips are puffy and a sinful shade of red. Alec looks positively wrecked from just kissing. Magnus wonders what the young shadowhunter would look like after sex. Magnus could think of some really sinful ways to taint Alec’s purity. It takes a second for Magnus to realise that he hasn’t answered Alec’s question and that the look on his face is probably there because he thinks he wasn’t a good kisser and that Magnus hadn’t enjoyed it one bit.

“Don’t…give me that look. The kiss was amazing.” Magnus says and Alec’s shoulder losses some of its tension. “Really?” he asks innocently and Magnus wants to kiss him again, but he refrains and instead takes hold of Alec’s hands that are shaking and gives it a light squeeze. “Thank you.” Alec says and Magnus smiles. “For what, Alexander?” Magnus asks and starts rubbing soothing circles onto Alec’s skin. Alec hums his appreciation and brings one of Magnus’ hands to his lips. He kisses the tender skin and Magnus watches the contrast of Alec’s pale face and red lips to his tanned hands. The action is oddly romantic and tender and Magnus realises that this is what true happiness feels like. “For being the one I share all my firsts with, for not rushing me, for being gentle and loving and just…” Alec trails off at the end but Magnus knows what he meant to say. “I understand.” Magnus says finally and Alec breathes deeply and smiles at him and honest smile. Magnus knows Alec has lots yet to learn but he’s willing to teach him everything at his own pace for as long as he wants him by his side.


End file.
